ladies and gentlemen, the funkiest horn section in metropolis!

( private to Dev and Abbey )

Guys. Guys. Guys. Listen, I know me and the twins've wrecked a lot of havoc on you all in the past, but this? This is so not okay. If anybody wants to come out and fess up right now, I swear on my grandma I won't get you in trouble! (And that's a big deal, all right? My grandma is a motherfucking SHARK.) You oughta know who you are, anyway, climbin' all up into our house and shit and turning me into a...

So, uhhh, yeah. C'mon, now, which one of you did it?! This isn't funny! Goddammit, you could've at least left me the spell or somethin' so I could mess with somebody we all hate!

LISTEN UP, BOXING CLUB!
I know you kiddies're probably all wiped out from your first day back and everything, so before you go forgetting lemme just remind y'all that our first meeting is this Sunday at 8pm! All the equipment'll be provided - make sure you give a nod or a handshake or something to Coach Faulkner for helping us out with that - and I'll bring water bottles if you need 'em, but you guys're responsible for bringing your own towels and making sure you're dressed right. Suit up real light, is all I'm gonna tell ya: shorts (or sweats if you're bashful), sleeveless or short-sleeved shirts, no jewelry (especially not earrings - dead serious, man, that shit can get ripped out and you don't want that), and, uhhh... don't bother stylin' your hair. It'll get messed up real quick.

So, uh, yeah, that about wraps it up, I think. Remember, folks, it's Sunday at 8pm! And fellas, no smackin' the ladies in the chest, okay? You pull that shit and I will legit give 'em permission to kick you in the dick.

RAKIAH BLITZBALL TEAM! I'M TALKIN' TO YOU!
This is Coach Jae Kim speaking! Our first practice of the year is gonna be next Thursday from 5 to 7!! Since it's Mitaartut this week, me and the Xing man're givin' you guys a break, but don't get too pleased with yourselves, kids: after next week's practice the pressure's gonna be on ya so thick you'll be spendin' five hours on the phone with your momma every night asking her to take your ass back home! I'm talkin' sit-ups, push-ups, chin-ups, six laps around the damn Quad, breathing exercises, all of that!! We also gotta put our heads together and think of some sweet pranks or special effects for the games, but, uhhh, we'll talk about that later.

This is gonna be one heck of an intense year, so ladies and gentlemen, let's make our house proud! OORAH!

( private to self )

So now that I got all of that outta the way, anyone wanna hang on Thursday? I'm probably gonna take advantage of the holiday and sleep in 'til noon or somethin', but after that I am all yours!! Figure we can just... I dunno, hit the bar, walk around, dodge the kids, make dumb videos and put 'em up on YouTube, something!! Let's just be cool, a'ight? Sweet, who's in?

Also, uhhh... any warlocks or people takin' Runic Studies out there know what the hell a scrying knife or whatever is? I just got the supplies list from the prof today and man, I am lost.

Dude...

What the Phuket Thailand stinks around here? I walk into the dorms to round up my siblings and what the fuck happens? I fuckin' almost pass out. You guys, I dunno what you've been up to, but it smells like a dragon took a shit in a microwave! And I'm a German Shepherd therian, y'all, do you have ANY idea how sensitive my nose is?! Plus I'm all hung over and shit 'cause the crew dared me to chug half a bottle of liquor last night. I almost puked down the staircase!

Did you guys get punked by another mysterious present this year or something? Man, I'm tellin' ya, if it don't got a name on it, don't open it!! Remember how everybody was pink last year? Remember how I was pink last year?! Do we really wanna go through this again? I don't think so. A little caution next time, ladies and fellas, for real. Fortunately for me Jiyongie Jiyong was smart and didn't go opening whatever the fuck it was, but my sister... poor kid, she smells like a damn dumpster. Mom's gonna throw such a fit, swear to g I bet she's gonna spend the next couple of days in the shower or something, I don't even know...

But anyway, what I was gonna say before y'all almost killed me was that I'm gonna be outtie 'til a little after New Years, so if anybody wants to visit me in Los Angeles just gimme a buzz and I'll show ya around! I'm also willing to make trips back and forth between campus, 'cause... families, right, they drive you batshit after a couple days, and my parents are insane this time of year, so if anybody wants to liberate me from my crazy parents and smelly baby sister, I am down.

Holla back! Or, uhhh, holla back once you don't stink anymore. You know what I mean.

( private to self )

Hey heeeey, Idris Academy, what is HAPPENING! Y'all know who it is, and if y'all don't know, I'm about to educate you right now! It's me, baby! Jae Kim! The one and only! Baby, I am BACK!

So hey, you little kiddies have a good break?! You bring your little baggie lunches to school?! Got your luggage? Your coats? Your shoes?! 'cuz fellas and honeys, classes start up next month, and Imma bet you folks FIFTY BUCKS the professors are jonesing for some noses to put to the grind! My nose? Not even goin' near it. Yup, it looks like ol' Professor Tanaka's just gonna have to make his bacon and eggs outta some other real nice and upstanding young person, 'cause baby, I am a graduate. I am done! Only place I'll ever have to see Tanaka is if I accidentally smack into him in the morning or something when we're both in our jammies, and bro, I am... so not ready to see that shit. Why'd I even go there, anyway?!

Come to think of it, who the hell's idea was it to stick the graduates right next to the faculty? Jesus, you know what kinda shit I could end up seeing 'cause I'm over here takin' care of you guys? My tan Californian ass ain't freezin' off in Greenland just so I can accidentally catch Lowe in his gym shorts! He'd probably stick a fuckin' Jack-in-the-Box down there, be like, "hey, Jae, lookit this" and then launch that shit outta his trousers and punch me right in the nose, or somethin'. For real, you guys should be thanking me! Yeah, I said it. You're welcome.

And who in the hell put that picture up on the wall in here?! Looks like a piece of dragon shit shaped like the state of Idaho, bro, I am not even kidding. Christ, that's an ugly painting!

But hey, any of you Rakiah kids trying out for Blitzball this year? 'Cause I'm coaching, and brother, I am set to make this year the year Rakiah whips ALL YOUR ASSES! Any kids in boxing? Yeah, all you guys, you'd better start watchin' what you put in your body! I'm talkin' HEALTHY SHIT! Fruits and vegetables! Some water! And stay in shape, too! I'm a really nice guy and everything, but bro, I am not even playin' around here, okay? You treat your body like a fuckin' garbage disposal and sit around too much, and your ass'll be wiped out before you can say boo! And y'know what I'm doin' to people who start passin' out on me? I'm feeding them to the goddamn groundskeeper! Not really, but on the real, I don't want any of you guys getting ulcers and shit, okay? So listen to me when I tell you to do stuff, it's for your own good!

Phew, this entry's long as fuck. Look at you kids! You're already gettin' my blood pressure all up and shit, and I haven't even started patroling yet! What's your problem? You wanna go? Nah, bro, I'm just messin' with you. But hey, while I'm still puttin' off unpacking all my shit, what'd you guys get up to over the break? Better not've been staying completely outta trouble, if y'know what I'm sayin'.

( private to self )

( i don't know how to feel tired nor how to feel satisfied. )

( show 'em what you got, bro. )

( private to Jannika )

SPRING FLING THIS FRIDAY, AND LADIES, I AM FREE AS A FREAKIN' JAE BIRD. Any of you gorgeous honeys wanna roll with me???

For real, I'll probably be there no matter what, but I gotta say... walking to this shabang without a pretty girl on my arm would be kinda lonely. SO SOMEONE, ANYONE~ BE MY DATE FOR THE NIGHT?? I'll even comb my hair and dress nice for ya and teach you how to breakdance, heyhey!

( private to self )

DEV, WE GOTTA GO RUNNING SOMETIME. All this excess energy and shit is making me ANTSY AS HEEEEEELL. Or we can grab Slothass AKA Li and go be awesome or somethin'. WHAT SAY YOU?

( private to kiyoshi )

( private to jannika )

( private to james )

man, i friggin' swear, if anyone else asks me about that stupid fight i'm gonna
heyhey, guys. guess what. IT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.

so about them olympics, you guys! i'm not much into winter sports or w/e, but friggin' seriously. all hail queen yuna! and shaun motherfuckin' WHITE, man. i wanna hang out with that guy someday!! we'll have tacos and tuna surprise and m&ms and watch badass manly movies or some shit, and apollo ohno can come too. and just. yeah. YEAH.

ksdk;jdskfsfkskfslfksfsdlfskfdlsa
kaskdasodkasldsladksadkaskdkakdkasdka

dk;sdkfs! BROBROBRO holy shit seriously, i feel like running around. i don't even know what i'm typing anymore, these pain meds are making me LOOPY. somebody, anybody~~ save me from myself!! we should throw a party. or go on an adventure. or, like, just hang around and be awesome.

WHO'S IN. FOR ANY OF THESE, or just, like. ANYTHING. ANYTHING. i'm up for anything!!

( private )

( Private to Rakiah Blitzball Team )

GODDAMN, ZEBUL, CAN YOUR ASSES BE ANY LOUDER? I CAN BARELY HEAR MYSELF THINK.

For real, though, you guys did good out there except Montague, and hey, if I'm gonna be the loser, I might as well lose with some mean bruises to show off afterward!! My parents are gonna be SO HAPPY, seriously.

Speaking of which, it's the New Year on the 14th, so I'm out of here for the weekend! I'm not gonna have much access to the computer while I'm gone, so before I head I just wanna make it clear that I don't want NOBODY'S ass making out on my bed! THAT MEANS YOU, RIVER, YOU HEAR?! GET IT, GOT IT, GOOD, AND ON THAT NOTE...

새해 복 많이 받으세요!!

( Private to Jannika )

WHAT THE FUCK ZIGGY

I KNOW DAT SKINNY HOBBIT-LOOKIN' ASS.

And bro? You ruined my lunch! THAT WAS GONNA BE A GOOD HOT POCKET, TOO. Meat and cheese, man, THE BEST, with a side of pudding.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND YOU OWE ME BIG TIME, MAN. Like I don't see enough of your naked asscheeks, GODDAMN.

GUYS, I am SO friggin' DISAPPOINTED in you. A waterfight? Seriously? That's laaaame. You have any idea how many times I've seen that done?!

Seriously, you gotta be CREATIVE! Go ALL OUT! Shit, if your ass is gonna be in detention, you might as well be in there for something really really EPIC. TAPIOCA-FILLED BALLOONS!! GREASED UP TOILET SEATS!! SMOKE BOMBS!! FLOUR BOMBS!! Dude, you could even mess with people using KOOL-AID! C'mon now!

Especially you people from Rakiah who were involved. It's bad enough you didn't come to Disney World, but THIS? I'm not happy with you guys! Seriously. You, me, and a wet noodle behind the greenhouse. THIS WILL BE UNFORGIVABLE UNTIL I EXACT MY PUNISHMENT--

Well, that, or until you guys write back and tell me how sorry you are. Go on. It's OK. I am HERE FOR YOU, guys. Jae Kim, humanitarian - at your service!!



Also: HEY IDRIS! Anyone who's still interested in joining a Basketball Club better speak up now! I'm gonna try gettin' it set up this week in between classes and clubs and shit like that, so I wanna know how many people're on board before then.

AND ABBEY!!~ I won you somethin' at Disney World. Better believe it, babygirl, I am the MAN when it comes to gettin' shit out of those machine things!! I'll run it by you later, OK?!

( Private to Jannie )

Any racist fuckers who wanna talk more shit can come find me and say it to my face. SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

HOLY FUCK, I'M PINK.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guys guys guys, okay, I can't fuckin' COPE with this right now, all right?! This is... you have NO fucking idea how HUGE of blow this is to my rep!! WHOEVER DID THIS IS GONNA GET HIS BALLS CHOPPED OFF. Just... what the hell is this, I can't even...

...Can I go home?? Like, seriously, right now?! I want my mom!!

( Private to James )

( Private to Reo )

( Private to Riane )

( Private to Embla )

( Private to Dev )

( Private to Jannie )

BRO. I was so caught up in givin' my obligatory "what the fuck" entry that I forgot somethin' earlier! So here it goes...

Hey Idris!! How many people would wanna join a Basketball Club??

Already recruited some of the underclassmen and a couple random people from my classes, but I wanna see how many of you guys'd like somethin' like that before I go shout at Professor Faulker and get him on board. Probably won't be able to get this thing started until after break, but it's prooobably better to get it rollin' now.

You don't even have to be athletic or nothin', man, I can teach ya how to shoot. It's all good! but if any one of you assholes makes a Yao Ming joke I'mma punch your head in

So, yeah. Who's interested?!

YO, BELASCO! WAY TO NOT HAVE A FUCKIN' LIFE, DUDE!

Seriously, what the hell? I ain't tryin'a hear that shit. Grosses me out.

[Private to Self]

Jesus, is she smoking or something?? Bro, seriously, it'd explain a LOT. I mean, first she ignores me, then we make out in the goddamn gym where anyone could've seen us shitshitfuckshit I didn't even think about that!, and now she's being all... not-Jannie. I mean, Jesus, I could barely get her to sit still when I saw her earlier, let alone make her let me look at my stupid Latin book rightside up...

Don't get me wrong, I hate school as much as the next guy, but it's usually me bugging the hell out of her! What gives?? Did the whole... striptease thing send her into some weirdass manic state or something?! I mean, I don't even know if what happened in the gym was real or if it was just some kinda...kneejerk... ...

Fuck me, I don't wanna be thinkin' about this. Fuck this place right now, man, nothing makes sense anymore!

[/Private]

미치겠다...

[Private to Arion, Li, & Dev]

GUYS SOMETHING'S WRONG

i can't shift. like, at all. i tried earlier cuz bein' miserable as a dog is a lot easier cuz you can like sleep on the floor and stuff w/o lookin' weird but it's like i'm constipated or some shit.

are you guys havin' the same problem? i mean... maybe something got in the water or something!!

[/Private]

uuuugghhh

i feel like such shit, man. runny nose, headache, ...the works, plus a couple other things. so, don't come near me unless you wanna get sneezed on. or unless you got a cold too and wanna cuddle to make it better. i'm so down with that i couldn't be downer, except not if you suck. people who suck need not apply.

guh. anyways. i'm goin' back to bed... wake me up if zombies attack or somethin'. first i'm gonna call my mom and get pity off of her. maybe with luck appa won't pick up instead and tell me to man up??

[Private]

Holy shit. First Ju J Julian, now Jason? Fuck, I can't even...

I hate Faie as much as the next guy, but this war is starting to scare the shit out of me. Shit, man, kids are starting to get involved now. Yeah, they've only knocked off some of us older students so far, but how long 'til they start going after first years?

Christ.

[/Private]

What a damn fucking crazy week. Makes me wish I was a Mundie. Almost makes me wish I was a Mundie.

Anyone wanna do something later? I got Blitzball at 5 and Swordplay at 7, but other than that I'm free.

Jesus. Remind me not to eat any microwavable chicken nuggets again, you guys, cuz I'm, like, THIS close to dying.

This: -. See? Yeah. This shit kills. It's LETHAL, and I was the goddamn guinea pig! You're welcome.

Now, where're my adoring and grateful public? Don't be shy. We understand.

[Private to Arion and Dev]

So, you guys're going to that fucki Montague's party Sunday night, right? Cuz there's no way in HEEEELL I'm gonna be showing up to some fucking Faie's party by myself, not even for the free booze. ...Well, maybe for the free booze, but that isn't the poi

[Private to Jannika]

Hey yo Jannie-bee! Do we have practice this Sunday night?

( The New, Improved Character Survey of Doom )